


This Is Me Trying

by ancientwastedlores



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Gen, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27041224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ancientwastedlores/pseuds/ancientwastedlores
Summary: Based on a request I got on tumblr to write a Loki fic in context of "This Is Me Trying" from Folklore.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	This Is Me Trying

The events of 2012 in New York left a heavy toll in all the worlds – from Midgard, all the way to Asgard. 

When Loki returned, bound in chains and a gag, ready for a public hearing in the highest court in Asgard, you watched as Odin verbally abused him and told him his birthright was to die. All the while, Loki only looked at you. He may have tarnished the Odinson name, but he cared only about what you thought of him.

And has he watched you, he saw… nothing. No feeling.

You wouldn’t know what to show anyway.

Loki was wildfire with a heart cold as ice. His broken spirit fixed itself when he found he was deserving of love, and for a while it seemed like things were going well… right up until he learnt of his true parentage. 

That was the beginning of the end for you two.

The first night was denial, the second night was self hatred, and soon enough, self destruction set in. He was brought up to hate the very thing he was, so of course your words of comfort didn’t help him. He was gone long before he ever fell from the Bifrost. You had accepted it, so when Thor grieved, you became his pillar. 

Yet here Loki was… alive. Accused of several crimes. 

The Loki you knew was capable of those things but would never do them - it just wasn’t him. Something had happened. 

You could see it in his eyes. 

After the verdict was announced, the head of the council spoke. “You will be in isolation for the remainder of your life. If you wish to speak to somebody before you are taken away, speak now”. 

You watched him expectantly. You needed only a few minutes to listen to him, and tried desperately to indicate that. 

He met your eyes, then lowered his gaze, as if ashamed. “No” he said. 

xx

You stared out at Asgard from your window, the city washed in pink moonlight. The godly kingdom had somehow lost its sparkle, and it looked like any old city in Midgard. Dirty, dusty, the smell of dead dreams and broken spirits. 

It had been weeks since Loki’s sentence. Neither Odin nor Thor even checked up on you. Frigga came by once to make sure you were eating… which you weren’t. 

You stayed by the window most of the time, cursing the land and its people. 

A knock on the door startled you - it was too late at night for Frigga to be checking up on you. 

You left the window and approached the door. “Who is it?” you called just as you reached. 

“Loki”. 

You swung the door open and looked at your husband… they let him keep his clothes but took away all his finery. He looked… small. 

“Loki, what…” 

He slipped into the room and motioned for you to shut the door. “I left my illusion in there, I… I needed to see you”. 

You wanted to ask a million questions, but you knew he probably didn’t want to spend his only time with you being interrogated. 

He kept his distance, you noticed. As if he was afraid to touch you. Did he… forget? Did he not love you anymore? 

As if he heard these thoughts, he said “I missed you”. 

“Why didn’t you ask to speak to me when you had the chance?” 

He looked down at his feet. “I didn’t know you wanted to speak to me”  
“Of course I did, what gave you that idea?” 

He shrugged. “I… I didn’t know what you thought of me”.   
“I love you, that’s all you need to know”.   
“Y/N, so much happened that I can’t even explain…”  
“You don’t have to explain…”  
“I didn’t think you would care once you heard about New York…”  
“Loki, shush”.   
“…and I felt like you hated me like the rest of them, but I just wanted to apologize…”  
“Loki, _shush_ ”. 

He stopped talking. You wanted to hug him, but weren’t sure if he wanted one yet… he still hadn’t come close to you. 

“I know you. I know you wouldn’t do that. You are not cruel” you said. “Odin may not listen, Thor may not understand, but Frigga and I know”. 

He smiled at you, content that you believed him. 

“How did you survive the fall?” you whispered, curiosity taking over you finally.   
“I… didn’t” he said, and immediately broke down. 

xx

You sat on the floor, across from each other, and Loki had spent the last hour telling you about Thanos and the Black Order. 

“I can’t blame them alone, I’m an adult with my own mind but… it felt good to be needed”.   
“I know” you said. “They manipulated you. They found your weakness, and there wasn’t much you could do. I don’t judge you, darling. I only wish you spoke to me…”   
“I’m sorry” he said in a voice so small your heart broke. “This is me trying to make amends”. 

You stayed in the comfort of each other and dead silence for a long time. 

“How long until you have to go back?” you asked. 

He looked outside the window… only a few hours until daybreak. “As long as you want” he said. “I could stay here forever”.

You smiled at him. You reached out to touch him and he didn’t stop you. 

Your fingers went right through him. You looked up at him in desperation, and he gave you a sad smile as he started to fade into a green light. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
